Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

    I've got to get something off my chest.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I know it's kinda long, but I really just need to get this out, so just bear with me.

    First of all, just for some background, my mom died right when I was born. (She was actually really, really hot. But this isn't about her. I guess that's ****ed up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So as you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

    Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18, I first noticed that my sister was a hottie. I don't want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me, but I thought that she was so ****ing beautiful that I watched it twice. (Probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy **** went down and I had to leave home. My dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it.)

    So, I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home. My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to **** her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her, and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly.

    After we left, we all went to crash with my sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy, and even though she was my sister, I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.

    Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government. So we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time.

    My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think, but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. I was ****ed up, I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started giving me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

    Sadly (although, I guess for the best), nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart, and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time. Like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing the hottest bikini I've ever ****ing seen and it brought back all the old feelings. *sigh*

    A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy.) I can't say I was surprised.

    But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party. My friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.

    Comment


    • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

      lmao, nice i enjoyed reading it even tho it was pretty long hahah

      Comment


      • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

        That was a wicked gooder Paul.

        Music to permeate your soul …
        Jayson
        MKIV Jetta GLS VR6 -PARTING OUT-


        What's Next?

        Comment


        • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

          haha priceless one Paul.
          Name: Brent
          His: '04 TDI Golf Mods: None If it's smoken it ain't broken
          Family: '15 Jetta Sportwagon
          Fun car: '92 Blue Karmann Crabby Cabby Mods: Coils, front and rear swaybars, LED interior lights and some other old things.

          Comment


          • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

            So there was a girl on the beach with no arms and no legs laying against a dune. One man walked by her and she yelled Sir I have never been hugged before will you hug me? The man felt bad and gave the girl a hug. Soon after another man walked by and the girl yelled, Sir i have never been kissed before, will you kiss me. Once again this man felt bad and gave the girl a kiss on the cheek. about an hour or so later another man walked by and the girl yelled again and said, Excuse me sir, I have never been ****ed before, will you **** me? The man walked over to the lady, picked her up and threw her into the ocean and yelled, "Now your ****ed"

            Comment


            • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

              ahhahha thats gold!

              Comment


              • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

                Oldie, but a goodie.

                Music to permeate your soul …
                Jayson
                MKIV Jetta GLS VR6 -PARTING OUT-


                What's Next?

                Comment


                • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

                  Comment


                  • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

                    watch closely

                    Last edited by longsock; 01-21-2010, 05:10 PM.

                    Comment


                    • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

                      Sneaky ******!

                      Music to permeate your soul …
                      Jayson
                      MKIV Jetta GLS VR6 -PARTING OUT-


                      What's Next?

                      Comment


                      • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW


                        Music to permeate your soul …
                        Jayson
                        MKIV Jetta GLS VR6 -PARTING OUT-


                        What's Next?

                        Comment


                        • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW



                          "What the hell are you doing? Stop it!"








                          "For some reason I thought it would be faster?"

                          Music to permeate your soul …
                          Jayson
                          MKIV Jetta GLS VR6 -PARTING OUT-


                          What's Next?

                          Comment


                          • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

                            Levi.W
                            78 BMW 635CSi - Project
                            91 Mercedes 190E 2.6 - Daily

                            Comment


                            • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

                              A priest, a preacher and a Rabbi walked into their favorite bar, where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk shop.

                              On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

                              One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

                              Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

                              Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
                              "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

                              Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

                              They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

                              The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

                              Comment


                              • Re: Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

                                Just sent to me..

                                A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. "If I open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside, leave ’em there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?"

                                The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps.

                                After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals—unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered.

                                "Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd.

                                After a few seconds, a blonde woman timidly speaks up.
                                "I’ll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X