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I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but,
by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
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The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
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Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!"and other names at me,
just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
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The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops.... although,
they do make me look a bit gay.
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Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Traveling Circus,
a spokesman said "We'll have to get another man of the same caliber."
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My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl
in his class give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before
you're banned from teaching altogether."
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Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in.
Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick
It's great though. It provides me with everything i need -
KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Chips, the lot.."
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The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife
is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
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A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
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My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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A wife says to her husband
"You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back."
And he says "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair!"
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I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated
but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
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My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
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I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod
after realizing that "i-Touch Kids" is not a good product name.
A Canadian guy named Joe has been digging out the basement of his house using nothing but radio-controlled scale model construction equipment... since 1997. Yes, you read that right — he's been digging out his basement for 15 years — with nothing but little R/C tractors, diggers and even a miniature rock crusher! Amazing.
At an average rate of eight or nine cubic feet of earth moved each year, the process has been absolutely glacial. But what do you expect when every morning he drives his little excavator on its transport truck down to the basement, unloads it, and then uses it to dig out the basement walls.
Then Joe uses the excavators to load R/C trucks and they work their way up a spiral ramp to the basement window where the soil gets dumped outside.
Then, once it's outside, he uses bulldozers to consolidate the pile of excavated dirt.
So why does he do it? Good question. No idea. CarScoop noted Joe as saying:
"I feel quite fortunate to have stumbled onto this basement excavation idea, it's been a great past time to date dreaming up new ideas to tackle different projects along the way," Joe wrote on the Scale4x4rc forums where he also posted pictures and videos of his feat.
"It's been a great hobby thus far, dreaming up - building all sorts of different minature equipment from kits or from scratch for this "mining" project. If it wasn't for this mining project I probably would have lost of interest in this hobby by now b/c once the models are built - the novelty of how they work & perform would wear off with no task to be accomplished them," he notes in another post.
View the gallery
I can't believe this is the first we've heard about Joe and his amazing little excavators — especially considering there's an amazing 53-page thread about him over at the scale4x4rc.org forums.
OK, so maybe I can see why I might have missed it. Still — this is amazing.
You can spend the next four hours wading through the 53 pages on the forum — but when you get bored, take a walk through the best videos of the epic process in the gallery to the left.
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